Sibling plans $6000 vacation to the Galapagos, uninvites nephew who always cancels last minute, family stops speaking to them: 'Your family has been using you'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 10, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Planning a vacation is no small feat. It takes time, effort, and most importantly, money. Have you left the country recently? That's not an inexpensive thing to do. If you're organizing a trip on behalf of a large group, someone needs to be in charge of the finances. You'll want to book rooms together, organize air travel, and plan out all the activities you'll do once you get there. It's a job that requires a lot of organizational skills and good communication. It's a delicate ecosystem, so when one of those wheels falls off, the whole thing is bound to come crashing down. 

So nobody could blame someone for replacing that squeaky wheel. Well, except for the family of this Redditor, who saw their choice to disinvite their nephew not as a smart financial move but as an affront to the whole family. Read on to see who you think was in the wrong.  

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    Cheezburger Image 10439706624
    via Unsplash+ (Natalia Blauth)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

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    AITA for not inviting my nephew on vacation
    via u/Inanarcticparadise
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    For the last 20ish years, I've planned a family trip. I love to travel and this is a way to include my siblings and their children (10 ppl) in my passion and a fun way to spend time together. I cover the cost of the tour and transport to the destination and they cover the tips/incidentals. So far, we've gone to Turkey, South Africa, Viet Nam, Croatia, Panama, Mongolia and Iceland. It's typically about $4000-6000/person and requires months/years of planning and budgeting. I poll the family on the
    via u/Inanarcticparadise
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    My nephew (late 20s) has RSVPed yes for the last 4 trips, only to back out at the very last minute (the week prior) such that I can't recoup the cost of his fare and the reasons he doesn't make it are never acceptable for a travel insurance claim. (work emergency (he's an accountant), friend's wedding, concert tickets, high school 10 yr reunion)
    via u/Inanarcticparadise
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    I'm currently planning a Galapagos cruise for October 2026 and decided not to extend the invite to my nephew because he's so unreliable. Now most members of my family are outraged and, though not actually boycotting the trip, incessantly vocal on their displeasure at my 'targeting' my nephew.
    via u/Inanarcticparadise
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    I've tried to compromise by requesting that he give me a deposit with the plan that I return it if he actually comes but this only seemed to make people angrier. I mentioned canceling the entire thing and now only my younger sister is speaking to me. She tells me that the family is in uproar about my "selfishness" and discussing "writing me off permanently" if I actually cancel the trip. I'm in tears and just don't know what to do. I love my family. Was it a h le move to exclude my nephew?
    via u/Inanarcticparadise
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    Human-Obligation3621 · 1d ago • So in the last four years, your nephew has wasted somewhere between $16k and $24k of your money and no one in your family thinks there's anything wrong with that? They clearly think you have endless amounts of money and feel entitled to it. I would absolutely refrain from planning further vacations for them since they are
    via u/Human-Obligation3621
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    treating you so badly. His parents should be mortified that he has repeatedly done this and offered to cover any non refundable costs since he has not had the grace to do so himself. You are definitely NTA. How does your family treat you when you are on these vacations? How do they treat you over the course of your day to day life? Their current behavior does not trend with people who are appreciative and gracious. It would align more with people who are selfish and entitled.
    via u/Human-Obligation3621
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    The issue for your nephew is that he has no skin in this game. He did not find out about these conflicts the week before, he just didn't tell you about them. Sounds like when it came down to it, he just didn't really want to go on these trips. Does he not realize you incurred nonrefundable costs? Did he accept the invitations or did his parents accept on his behalf without consulting him? If they accepted in his behalf, maybe they are reacting poorly now out of guilt bc this is actually their fa
    via u/Human-Obligation3621
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    Assuming you still want to go on trips with these people, I would talk to him directly and explain all the costs incurred on his behalf over the past several years. Tell him that you will include him this year if he pays last year's non refunded costs. Tell him the date he has to let you know by if he intends to back out. After that point, he won't be invited again unless he pays those nonrefundable costs. And by the way. This is all very disrespectful and not how you should treat someone who is
    via u/Human-Obligation3621
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    Bunker... 1d ago .1d ago Edited 21h ago • ⚫ Let me get this straight... you plan, book, and PAY FOR an insanely huge family vaca every year. There's one person who always wastes your money, you don't want to waste money on them, and now your family is saying if you don't CONTINUE to pay for the insanely expensive vacations, they will disown you?
    via u/Bunker_Rodz
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    Your family s ks. They're, at best, entitled. At worst, abusers who are using you for your money and ready to dump you the moment you aren't useful to them anymore. NTA, tell them you won't cancel the trip, but everyone can pay their own way. When they threaten to cut you off, say, say, "Nice, saves me the cash."
    via u/Bunker_Rodz
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    cassowary32 1d ago • • NTA. Your family has been using you. I would be so angry if a relative has consistently flaked costing another family member $30k over the years without reimbursing them. You've probably spent over half a million on trips with your family and they are treating you this way?
    via u/cassowary32
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    It's time to make new friends and travel partners. Your family doesn't care about you. They are only around for the fancy trips and your money. Otherwise they would have agreed to consequences for flaking.
    via u/cassowary32
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    ZaelDaemon • 1d ago You would the A Hole if you go forward with the trip as planned. Cancel the trip for everyone except you and your younger sister. Stop being used. NTA
    via u/ZaelDaemon
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    Lizdance40 · 1d ago. . ΝΤΑ Your nephew has a clear pattern of behavior that is disrespectful and inconsiderate. If it were only one out of a half a dozen trips, but You indicate he has backed out every time.
    via u/Lizdance40
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    I assume you have communicated to the other family members that every time you include him he backs out the last minute and the 4,000 to $6,000 that you paid to include him goes to waste. I'm also assuming that he cannot be added at the last minute.
    via u/Lizdance40
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    BaileyAndBaker • 1d ago. NTA. Sorry OP, you love your family but they appear to love your wallet rather than you. Calling you selfish for possibly canceling a trip after you've spent tens of thousands of dollars on them over the last several years?!? The audacity. I'd tell them that since they clearly don't appreciate your generosity, you'll no longer be extending it to them. They're welcome to join you on the trip at their expense. -
    via u/BaileyAndBaker
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    If you do end up still funding the trip for everyone else, if they're so adamant that your nephew be included, I'm sure between the 9 of them they can all chip in and cover his ticket. "Surely you won't mind losing the money if you think it's ok for me to lose it when he doesn't show, right?"
    via u/BaileyAndBaker
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    And I'd inform them now that this will be the last trip since it is stirring up too much drama. For the sake of peace, you just think it's best to stop so there's no opportunity for discord.
    via u/BaileyAndBaker
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    pledgelemonclean1 • 1d ago. NTA. You have stated your past frustrations and seem as though you are flexible and would allow him to pay up-front. Anyone that's outraged is more than welcomed to pay your required deposit for him...and it's pretty telling that they won't. If they won't cover for him, and are still mad about your position, then they can f off too.
    via u/pledgelemonclean1
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    Victor-Grimm 1d ago . NTA-Cool guess more trips for you as you will save a lot. They don't like it then they don't have to be involved. Sounds pretty easy to me. Buy a new car or something. outrageously stupid with the money you saved from them not going.
    via u/Victor-Grimm
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    Emotional_Fan_7011 1d ago . • NTA. Congratulations OP, you now know your family only cares about your money. Not you. Cancel all the trips from here on out. They are 100% bluffing because they don't want to lose their free vacations. But, now is the time to call their bluffs. Tell them you will not be taken advantage of any longer. No more vacations. Everyone who wants to go must now pay a deposit.
    via u/Emotional_Fan_7011

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